Many women dream of getting married to the loves of their lives. It’s a blissful thing when it happens. However, as with all relationships, navigating the dating space that leads to marriage is no easy task.
Constantly, women try to become better girlfriends to their partners, so much so that they even google some tips. The advice of society and people online has led many of these women to believe some misconceptions and misinformation on what it takes to become a better girlfriend.
Being a better girlfriend to your partner has nothing to do with cooking their favorite meal, wearing sexy lingerie or learning some insane sexual trick. Sure, these things are great at spicing up a relationship, but they are not the things that truly matter.
The thing that matters most—what would truly help you become a better girlfriend—is to understand how your partner thinks and identify what they need in the relationship. This will help you both relate better with each other.
Below are eight tips to help you become a better girlfriend.
Take care of your mental health
It really doesn’t take a psychologist or a therapist to know that mental health plays a major role in relationships. Your state of being every day is surely going to affect your partner in some way.
If you want to become a better girlfriend, you have to be emotionally and mentally stable. This does not mean that you have to be happy all the time. Having bad days and feeling depressed is very normal; it happens to the happiest people. But whenever you do feel bad or sad, take some time out to care for yourself. If the situation is not something you can handle on your own, try to communicate with your partner that something’s wrong with you.
If you feel stuffed or confused, you can try journaling. Free-writing your feelings in a book or diary can help organize things a bit. It can also relieve you of worry. I do that myself.
Another great option is therapy. The benefits of therapy are crazily underestimated by a lot of people. Many people are turned off by the fact that therapy means that they’d be sharing intimate details about their lives with total strangers. However, it is important to know that the stranger has been professionally trained to dissect your thoughts and feelings and help you move through and past them, if necessary.
It is very tempting to lock up, keep things to yourself and try to move past bad stuff on your own. But this will not only impact you negatively, it will also have a negative effect on your partner and the health of your relationship.
Jordan Peterson’s book, 12 Rules for Life, details how we, as humans, should take care of ourselves just as we would someone in our care.
Appreciate your partner
Everyone has an innate desire to feel acknowledged and appreciated for what they provide, especially in a relationship. Many women don’t realize how starved their partners are for appreciation.
The problem, I think, is that people generally like to show love to others the way they want others to show love to them. Women typically feel loved when their partners are attentive to her and her desires. When this is the case, the girlfriend will reciprocate this gesture by being more giving to their partners. In many cases, however, this is not what many partners want.
Partners, especially men, really crave to feel acknowledged and appreciated for what they provide. To become a better girlfriend, it is imperative that you understand that your partner wants to feel that their efforts are useful and meaningful to you. This applies to everything they do—from taking you out on a fancy picnic to taking out the trash.
Therefore, you should make it a point of duty to show your partner that you appreciate what they do for you. You can buy them gifts or help them with something they usually can handle on their own. Even better, you can tell your partner all the ways in which you’re grateful for them.
If your partner takes you out on a nice date, appreciate them for it by telling them you had a great time. If he gets you a nice gift, you can get him one in return later. When you acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s efforts, they will try to keep you happy in the relationship.
Give your partner space and freedom
It’s safe to say that your partner had a life before they met you. The fact that you both are together does not erase that face. Your partner still has friends they need to meet up with, activities they need to participate in, travels they might have to go on without you, problems they might want to deal with alone, etc. The relationship does not mean that your partner’s world revolves around you.
To become a better girlfriend, you have to understand that people deal with stress differently. Women generally like to speak about their problems with their friends while men usually like to deal with it on their own. A girlfriend might get upset when her boyfriend retreats into the proverbial man cave when there is a problem because she feels that he is shutting her out. In reality, he isn’t shutting her out; that’s just how he prefers to deal with his problems.
If your partner withdraws from you when they’re stressed, just leave them be. Resist the temptation to coddle them or offer unsolicited advice. Don’t try to exchange words with your partner about why they are not confiding in you. If they want to talk about it, they will. If they don’t want to talk and you continue to push it, you’ll just be another source of stress in your partner’s life, and they will withdraw from you even further.
Giving your partner space and freedom does not mean your relationship is damaged. Instead, it means you’re preserving a necessary boundary for your partner to be healthy mentally in the relationship.
Letting your partner have their time and space can absolutely make you become a better girlfriend.
Switch up your compliments
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling your partner how sexy his biceps look or how lush his beards are. However, you shouldn’t forget to compliment your partner on things that are not physical.
People generally respond better to compliments about things that they have done or innate qualities that they possess as opposed to how they look. Many women don’t usually know this because they like superficial comments like:
- Gosh, you’re so pretty!
- I love your smile!
- Wow, I’m so jealous of your full brows!
- Girl, where did you get those shoes? They’re gorgeous!
- That bikini looks mighty fine on you, sweetheart!
It is important to narrow down what makes your partner unique and compliment them on that; that’s what they’d really love to hear. Be specific about your compliment. There’s a difference between saying, ‘Babe, you’re so thoughtful,’ and ‘Thanks for mowing the lawn, babe. That was so thoughtful of you.’
To become a better girlfriend, you have to look deep and see what makes your partner unique. Compliment them on these things and they’ll want to do anything to keep you happy.
Communicate directly
Listen, there’s NO place for the silent treatment or clues in a relationship. You want something from your partner? Tell them. You’re upset about something your partner did? Speak up. You need your partner’s help with something? Ask them.
Many clashes in a relationship happen because the girlfriend expects her partner to meet her needs, and then feels bitter when they don’t. A lot of the time, the girl doesn’t ask her partner for what she wants directly. Instead, she expects them to just ‘know’ what she needs.
She may drop some clues or hints to help her partner out, but becomes even angrier when they don’t pick up on those clues. The partner, in turn, gets worried that they’re not meeting the needs of their girlfriend. Eventually they might even stop trying to figure out what their girlfriend wants altogether, which only serves to make their girlfriend more furious than ever.
It shouldn’t be like this.
To become a better girlfriend, you have to understand that your partner is not your father or mother. Your partner is not clairvoyant either. They cannot take one look at you and divinely figure out exactly what you want. All they can do is listen to you ask for it, and then help you if it is within their power.
Try to communicate with your partner with actual words. Men generally are not very good at picking up on hints and nuances; they need their girlfriend to spell out her needs to them clearly and directly.
If you’re angry at something your partner did, don’t be passive aggressive. If they ask what’s wrong, don’t answer, ‘nothing’. Your partner might take that to mean that nothing is actually wrong, and you’ll just be boiling inside because you feel that they’re supposed to know that something is wrong.
If you want your partner to know that they’re doing that upsets or hurts, tell them in a loving way. If you shout or turn the situation into a heated argument, your partner might shut down and be less willing to fix the problem.
However, it does help to know how to read and interpret certain body language indications. If you cannot do this or want to learn more about it, here are some books to help you read body language.
Show public display of affection
It’s great to show your partner that you love them in private. However, you should also be able to exhibit this love in public too. Public display of affection, or PDA as some people know it, does not have to be gross or inappropriate just because it is done in front of people.
The key word is ‘subtle’. Public display of affection has to be subtle. It can be done in many ways. You can graze your partner’s thigh during date night or share a kiss as you both take a stroll. It doesn’t hurt to brag about your partner’s latest work achievement at a party, either.
Showing public display of affection signals to everyone that you think your partner is the real deal—and they should too.
Be independent
I cannot emphasize this enough. Your partner is NOT your parent. It is not their responsibility to coddle you and pay all your bills EVERY TIME.
Many women have this skewed idea that it is a man’s responsibility to ‘provide’. Therefore, they do not try to contribute anything to the relationship.
Gifts? The man buys. The rent? The man pays. Dates? The man foots the bills. Shopping? The man hands her the money. Education? The man pays her tuition. Food? The man gets. Beauty salon? The man pays.
What does she bring to the relationship financially? Nothing! Why? Because she believes that it’s a man’s job to work and pay for all these things. This mentality destroys many relationships.
There’s nothing like having your own money and being able to take care of yourself. The confidence and fulfilment that comes with being independent is second to none. In the journey to become a better girlfriend, it is important that you do not rely on your partner all the time.
Get a job and help your partner out. If you’re up for it, start a business. There are tons of books that teach people how to start online businesses, and small businesses.
Split the rent money with your partner if you live together. If you’re going on a vacation together, you can buy the plane tickets while your partner can foot the hotel bills. Sometimes, foot the bills when you both go on a date. If you see something you think your partner will love, buy it for them. Buy clothes and jewelry for yourself. Get your nails and hair done with your own money.
It’s worth it, I promise you.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t let your partner do anything for you or that you should take on all responsibilities. By all means, graciously accept that beautiful bracelet your partner bought you. If they want to pay your tuition, let them. Just make sure that you help them out too, and that you can fend for yourself should hard times come.
This way, you’ll look more responsible.
Take care of your appearance
Of course, if your partner loves you, then you are the most beautiful girl in the world to them. However, this does not mean you should let yourself go. The fact that your partner loves the way you look does not mean you should eat junk food or neglect your workout time.
Make an effort to look nice and clean always. It’s not about how physically attractive you look or how much money you have. You can get nice clothes and groom yourself without spending a ton of cash. If you don’t have good fashion sense, develop one. Work out if you can, eat healthy, shave your legs, get waxed and get a good haircut. If you like makeup, learn how to use it to beautify yourself. Your efforts to look great will make your partner appreciate you even more.
It’s very easy to let yourself go when you’re in a relationship, but if you do that, it’d be really hard to adopt those practices later. Therefore, it’s best to continue those healthy activities you engaged in before your relationship. If you live with your partner, don’t walk around the house in joggers, a messy bun and no makeup all the time. I’m not saying you should rock a full face of makeup and a fitted gown at home. I’m just saying you should try to style your hair, wear some chapstick, file your nails, and what not.
You don’t have to look red carpet-ready all the time to become a better girlfriend. Just try to maintain your appearance and look great. It will keep the sparks burning in your relationship and help you build confidence.
Tim Ferriss’ book, The 4-Hour Body, details all the ways in which people can take care of their bodies, appearance, and health.
Conclusion
To conclude this piece, here’s a recap of the eight tips outlined above to help you become a better girlfriend:
- Take care of your mental health
- Appreciate your partner
- Give your partner space and freedom
- Switch up your compliments
- Communicate directly
- Show public display of affection
- Be independent
- Take care of your appearance
