The one question that basically EVERY woman has asked herself at some point in her life is, ‘How can I become a better woman?’ Many times, they don’t have a definite answer to this question. They don’t know where to start from to improve themselves as women.
I believe that the reason for this is that many women don’t really know what the term ‘better woman’ really means.
Being a better woman does not mean you are better than any other woman. It means that you are a better woman today than the woman you were yesterday. It means that you are a better version of yourself as a woman.
A better woman is one who is in her zone, one who has learned to grow mentally and spiritually. A better woman is one who makes a conscious effort every day to become a more developed person than she was the day before. She is not afraid to love on herself and other people. She is not scared to disengage herself from societal expectations and limitations, and take charge of her own life.
Do you want to become a better woman?
If yes, the seven tips outlined below will show you how.
Decide what you want for yourself
Knowing what you want for yourself is the first step you must take if you want to become a better woman. You have to decide the direction of your life towards which you want to move steadily and progressively.
Figure out what you want by asking yourself ardent questions and answering them as honestly as possible. These questions include but are not limited to:
- Do you want to become a business-oriented woman? A career woman? Or maybe both?
- Do you want to get married? Stay single? Become a nun perhaps?
- Do you want to have children? If yes, how many?
- Do you want to be a working mum or a stay-at-home mum?
- Do you like to explore unknown places and go on adventures? Or do you prefer to stay in a place you are very familiar with?
- Do you want to get a Bachelors’ degree? Maybe a Master’s degree? How about a PhD?
Whatever your decisions are, be unafraid and unapologetic in expressing and pursuing them. It is your life, after all, and you’re the one living it. No one else. So don’t be scared to decide what you want for yourself. Don’t let the pressure and seeming glamor of other people’s lives affect your decisions over your own.
The journey to become a better woman starts when you accurately map out the direction you want to follow. This will help you measure your progress and eventually succeed in whatever venture you decide to pursue.
Love yourself
This cannot be overemphasized. A major step to become a better woman is to focus on developing self-love. Understand that self-love is not the same as selfishness. Selfishness means lacking consideration for other people, while self-love means showering yourself with love so that you can give this same love to other people: friends, family and maybe a special person in your life.
Take very good care of yourself. By this, I don’t mean you should start conforming to any societal standards. I mean that you should make YOU the topmost priority in your life. Life, in general, is stressful. Working a job (maybe even two jobs), getting an education, building a home, raising kids, building your career and running a business can easily cause the neglect of one’s self.
These things are very important but it is even more important to take care of the person who is handling all these responsibilities—and that person is you. Put your peace of mind, your health and your stability first. There are a few self-care practices you can engage in such as:
- Going to the spa
- Getting a manicure and pedicure
- Getting a soothing massage
- Cooking a homemade meal or ordering take-out
- Getting a new hairstyle
- Burning sage
- Reading a book
People who show love to themselves find it very easy to take care of other people because they know how to give love without expecting anything in return. When you feel suffocated with your responsibilities and challenges, take some time out to recharge yourself. This helps you get ready for the next phase in your journey.
If you’re having a hard time loving and accepting yourself, these books will guide you through this process.
Stop trash-talking other women
Ever heard the saying, ‘Women are their own enemies’? Yeah? Well, why do you think people, especially men, say that a lot?
I’ll answer that for you.
It’s because many women have been conditioned to see other women as rivals rather than sisters. Many women tend to be jealous at the rise of another woman, and they say mean and hurtful things to reduce the reputation of said woman in the eyes of others. The annoying part is that the woman doesn’t have to do anything wrong for other women to bash her.
Don’t play innocent. You have done it at some point. I have done it too. We see a woman walking down the street and we peruse her from head to toe trying to find something about her to speak ill of. It might be her face, her body, her gait, her anything!
This is very wrong and shameful.
As women, it is our duty to empower other women around us, to remind them of their worth and their strength. We have to band together and change systems that were designed to put women at a disadvantage. When you see a woman rise in her workplace, cheer her on. Anytime a woman wins an award, applaud her. When she fails at something, encourage her. When she’s down, pick her up.
Send good energy and be proud of your fellow women today. It will help you become a better woman, I promise.
Love your body inexplicably
Listen, I know how hard it is to love your body. I still struggle with loving mine so, yes, I do feel like a bit of a hypocrite writing this down, but it needs to be said.
Many women—me included—say and think negative things about their bodies. The society has conditioned women to adopt the shallow ideals of beauty that are being perpetrated by the internet and the media.
Pictures of bikini-clad women with tiny waists, big boobs and butts, flat-as-an-ironing-board stomachs, impossibly smooth, blemish-free, hair-free skin, flowing hair, full lips and eyebrows, and long lashes are splattered all over our IG and Facebook feeds and women internalize these features as ‘perfect’.
When a person’s body does not match these ideals, people tend to say insulting things that stick to and torment the victim. This type of bullying usually starts at a very young age, when children are vulnerable.
It has gotten to the point where many women don’t ever feel that they look good, or that their bodies are in great shape. They think negatively of the cellulite and stretch marks on their thighs and butts. In their minds, their generous curves are excessive and ugly. They perceive their saggy boobs and big stomachs as disgusting and undesirable.
Many women develop eating disorders when they think they are too thin or too fat because of pressure from the society. Others become addicted to working out at the gym. Many resort to extreme procedures, such as plastic surgeries, to look ‘perfect’. Many times, these surgeries are done by quack doctors and produce unwanted and disfiguring results.
It’s not an easy thing to do, but we, as a society, need to start appreciating real bodies. Cellulite and stretch marks are not ugly. Acne scars and textured skin are perfectly natural. If you have sparse eyebrows and eyelashes, that’s okay. You got a big stomach and belly rolls? Well, that’s beautiful.
It can be pretty hard to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself, but there are books that can help you get rid of those bad thoughts.
Be proud of your body. Take care of it, feed it and work it hard whenever you can. Most importantly, love your body inexplicably; every single inch of it.
Accept compliments
If you have confidence issues, you know how difficult it is to accept when people say nice things about you. It’s not your fault that someone’s good wishes and genuine admiration for you sounds like a lie. However, it is important to note that your inability to accept a compliment likely stems from the negative light in which you view yourself.
I’m not gonna say you should snap out of it; that makes absolutely zero. But I will say that learning to accept compliments goes hand-in-hand with loving yourself. Those nice things people say about you to your face are true and they’re valid.
If someone tells you that you’re pretty, it’s because you are—and nothing is going to change that. When someone tells you that you did a great job at some endeavor, believe them. Don’t make responses like:
- Nah, it wasn’t that good
- Pfftt! Don’t flatter me, please
- No, I’m not!
- I don’t think so, but thanks!
Don’t say anything like that. To become a better woman, you have to learn to believe nice people when they give you a compliment. Don’t forget to thank that kind fellow for reminding you of how awesome you truly are.
The ability to accept comments is rooted in the way you see yourself. When you talk to yourself, what do you say? Do you say positive things or negative things? Do you forgive yourself or do you harshly criticize yourself? If you don’t know how to begin to see yourself in a positive light, Shad Helmstetter’s book, What To Say When You Talk To Yourself, can help you greatly with that.
If you have self-esteem issues, here are some books that can help you build confidence.
Be proud of yourself
Even the best of us find obstacles in our way at some point. Sometimes it’s a colleague or boss standing in the way of a work promotion, or a romantic partner who tries to suppress the way you express yourself. It can be a neighbor who plays loud music that prevents you from getting a good night’s rest.
As much as these external forces are very disturbing and scary, they really are not your main problems. Your main problem is actually YOU. Yeah, you. Don’t believe me? Well, answer these questions truthfully.
- Do you think you’re great at what you do?
- Are you proud of the woman you are?
- Do you think you’re badass?
- Do you think you’re improving and becoming a better person every day?
If all your answers to these questions are not an emphatic ‘Yes’, there definitely is a problem somewhere.
Before rallying for anyone else, you have to first rally for yourself. You have to learn to be proud of yourself and your growth, no matter how small you might think it is. Don’t let anyone decide how proud you should feel about your grade point average or when you get a job. Don’t let anybody’s opinion influence how excited you should feel when you finally conquer a fear or take up a new hobby.
Before anyone else, understand your own joy, sadness, expectations, standards, fears and limitations. Let your knowledge of yourself influence how you feel about taking a step in the right trajectory.
Understand that it’s badass to be innovative and smart. It’s wonderful to be great at what you do and succeed in something new you just tried. Did you get a new job? Pop champagne and celebrate. Did you just succeed in twisting yourself into some crazy, seemingly impossible yoga pose? Be proud of that and talk about it with people you care about. When someone praises you for something dope that you did, thank them and keep succeeding.
It is completely okay and healthy to be excited for yourself. It is necessary, in fact, for you to celebrate your achievements because at the end of the day, you go to bed alone and you wake up alone.
To become a better woman, you have to give yourself permission to be nice and happy for yourself and your accomplishments.
Try new things
To become a better woman, you have to push yourself and exist outside your comfort zone. Try not to lock yourself in a box or get addicted to doing the same things repeatedly. Try new stuff!
Do all the crazy things you’ve wanted to do. Go to those faraway lands you’ve always wanted to visit. Study new cultures; eat new food; drink local drinks. Go on adventures and participate in crazy, mind-blowing, exciting activities.
Thought about skydiving or zip-lining? Bungee jumping, maybe? Do it! Wanna visit The Louvre and look at all those magnificent paintings? Save up some money; pack up necessary stuff and go! Wanna see the Wonders of the Modern World? Go for it!
Do all those things you never imagined you could do. It is only in doing that, that you’ll realize who you really are. Living your entire life according to a routine can make life boring, monotonous and very unfulfilling.
There are a lot of things in this world to discover, many beautiful and mesmerizing places to visit, and mouthwatering, delicious food to eat. There are many life-altering experiences you’ve never had. When you try new things, you become introduced to new depths and aspects of yourself that you didn’t know existed. You’ll also be able to find your passion and purpose in life.
Get out of that box—the box in which you have put yourself or the one society has put you in. Whatever the box looks like, just make sure you live your life outside of it.
Conclusion
The journey to become a better woman is different for each woman. However, these seven tips will guide you to become the woman you really want to be.
- Decide what you want for yourself
- Love yourself
- Stop trash-talking other woman
- Love your body inexplicably
- Accept compliments
- Be proud of yourself
- Try new things
