Okay, before we start, Chris Voss is way more badass than you or I will ever be. The ex-lead kidnapping negotiator or the FBI knows a thing or two about negotiation.
In this Never Split The Difference summary, you’ll learn how to negotiate yourself to success.
The three main lessons from the book are:
- Successful negotiation is about building trust
- Understand the state and emotions of the person you’re talking to
- Don’t accept the other party’s demands, don’t compromise and don’t rush
Lesson One: Successful negotiation is about building trust
Every good negotiator enters the room with the want to get as much knowledge as they can. Both about the situation and the other person.
During this process, more information comes to light, so you’ll need to be prepared for anything.
Now, it isn’t likely that you’ll be dealing with terrorists who lie about being armed like Voss was, but still. The more information you have, the better.
To get all the required information, you’ll need to build trust with the other person.
That means you’ll need to start a conversation and have your counterpart talking as much as possible.
From there, you’ll need to engage in active listening.
Active listening means you’ll need to show empathy and demonstrate that you understand what the other person is going through.
One of the best ways to show empathy in your listening is to mirror what the other person is saying.
Mirroring: Essentially, you’ll be repeating what the other person says in an inquisitive tone.
So many people don’t feel as though they’re ever being listened to, so by actively listening to others, you’ll be able to get as much information as you can.
Lesson Two: Understand the state and emotions of the person you’re talking to
Progress is made in negotiation by understanding the emotions of the other person.
Combine the other person’s emotions with empathy to gain a tactical advantage.
Remember, being empathetic doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person. You just need to show you understand their position.
You can even try simply telling your counterpart that you understand and acknowledge their situation and feelings. This is called labeling.
Lesson Three: Don’t accept the other party’s demands, don’t compromise and don’t rush
Have you ever been in a hurry to settle a negotiation that you ended up unhappy with the result?
Remember, accepting a bad deal or even compromising is always a mistake.
Or, as it is also called… never split the difference!
Every person, you and your counterpart included, have feelings and thoughts that they don’t share, or may not even be aware of.
So, giving them what they ask for probably won’t even fix the problem.
Take your time when negotiating, especially when the counterpart sets a deadline.
As we spoke about before, you want to learn more about the other party, and if you’re pressed for time, you won’t be able to do that.
By being patient and gathering as much information as you can, you’ll be able to negotiate the desired outcome.
The first thing you need to do in a negotiation is to be ready for everything and anything.
As they say, have a foolproof plan and make sure you’re happy for it to be thrown aside in the first five minutes.
When your strategy involves finding out information, it is more than likely that the negotiation will go a way that you’re not expecting.
My Personal Takeaway
I am a shocker for finding a compromise that both parties agree to.
So, for me, reading this book was a kick up the butt in negotiation.
I will definitely look to negotiate more and stop settling for less.
If you work a job where you need to negotiate, you’ll get a lot from this Never Split The Difference.
🤙 Your Next Step… 🤙
Head across to one of the following pages for more goodies
🍕 Read our list of the best business books of all time
🍕 Read some more of our book summaries
🍕 See our top book summary apps