The lowdown: How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less is the ultimate guide to making sure you hit it off with everyone you meet.
No matter what you do for a living, what your hobbies are, or what you want to achieve, having a broad social network will help.
But making friends can be awkward. Especially as an adult; Networking for your business can be even worse.
That is where Nicholas Boothman comes in with his book, How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less comes in.
Boothman sets out to write the how-to guide for getting people to like you instantly. He does this by explaining the split-second reactions and decisions we all subconsciously make when meeting a new person.
- Audible Audiobook
- Nicholas Boothman (Author) – Nicholas Boothman (Narrator)
- English (Publication Language)
- 03/03/2004 (Publication Date) – Listen & Live Audio, Inc. (Publisher)
The three main lessons learned in this book are.
- Opening your body is important when starting a conversation
- Try to mirror the other person’s mannerisms to make them feel comfortable
- You can tell a person’s dominant sense by looking at their eyes
Lesson One: Opening your body is important when starting a conversation
Imagine seeing someone from a distance. A stranger that you’ve never met. They are standing along and have their arms crossed.
In your mind, is that person approachable? Probably not.
There is a good reason for that. Closing off your body gives a frustrated, nervous, anxious and cautious impression.
This negative body-language sends off red flags to everyone else in the room.
Instead, open up your body when talking to people. By opening your shoulders and pointing your heart at someone, you are telling their subconscious that you’re ready and enthusiastic to meet.
If two people meet with open bodies, then they are more than likely to get along quickly.
Lesson Two: Try to mirror the other person’s mannerisms to make them feel comfortable
Synchronizing your movements with the person you’re talking to can make them instantly feel comfortable around you.
Have you ever had an overly enthusiastic salesperson loudly introduce themselves, grab you by the arm and you’ve instantly wanted to leave?
That is because their movements were too dissimilar to yours.
It is human nature to copy those around us. When someone smiles at you, you instantly smile back. If you see someone getting punched in the stomach, you tense in pain.
As people, we feel comfortable with those who are similar to us. That is why when you see a group of people together, odds are they’re all making similar movements.
It is kinda like two subconscious minds talking with one another. The same way two people my discuss a common interest, movement synchronisation is your mind telling another that you’re both on the same page.
When meeting someone, try and subtly mimic their tone of voice, movements and breathing.
Lesson Three: You can tell a person’s dominant sense by looking at their eyes
There have been studies that have discovered that we all have a dominant sense (sight, sound, touch) and we filter most stimuli we face through that prevailing sense.
So, what does this mean?
Well, by figuring out what sense your conversation partner prefers early, you can create a strong rapport.
So, how does this work?
Like I said there are three main senses that a person can have. Each dominant sense has unique characteristics.
- Sight: People who care a lot about the way things look, think in images and use ‘visual’ phrases like “I see what you’re saying”.
- Hearing: Lovers of communication and the spoken word, use expressive tones, and use ‘audible’ phrases like “tell me more”.
- Touch: Like things that they can feel, more likely to speak slowly and with a deep voice, uses ‘touch’ phrases like “How do you feel about…”
As we know, mimicking others’ movements is a key to building rapport, so being able to know a person’s dominant sense is essential. A way to pick a person’s dominant sense (besides looking for what we just listed), is to ask them to remember something – for example, what they did over the weekend. If a person is sight dominant, they will look diagonally up, like they see their memory, an audible person will look left or right (to their ears), and a touch person will look down at their body and hands.
My Personal Takeaway
This book is incredibly interesting. While most of these movements and actions are things which people do without thinking about them, by putting it into words, you have something to look out for.
Even if one thing you pick up on is remembering to keep your body open in conversation, you’ll be a better salesperson, networker, and friend.
Action step for the day
Today, when talking to someone, make a conscious effort to notice your body language. Are you crossing your arms or opening your body up?
This Book Is Perfect For…
Salespeople who have a short amount of time to build rapport with a complete stranger.
A business owner at a networking event, who will frequently meet dozens of people in an evening.
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a Swedish university student, marketing professional, and life-long learner. Here at BookSummaryClub I summarize my favorite non-fiction books into easily digested posts. Hope you like what you’re reading!
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